It keeps surprising me how much I enjoy having him in my life. I didn’t exactly grow up dreaming of finding the perfect fuckbuddy. But that’s only because I didn’t know how good it would feel. What a lot of healthy, guilt-free, hassle-free enjoyment it would generate. On top of the orgasms (I just love the sound of that) and pure physical pleasure, it brings on self-esteem boosting, and a secure, judgement-free environment to be oneself and experiment with your body and mind.

This morning, as I was sucking his dick, concentrating on what my tongue and lips and hands where doing and the effect my actions were having on him, it struck me how much I was enjoying each and every single moment. I can be as passionate as I feel like being, as loving or slutty as I need to be, I can fall asleep if I’m tired and know it won’t hurt his feelings, and he can do likewise.

Of course I could have casual sex encounters with strangers if I wanted too. Lots. But it’s not my cup of tea. They can be very exciting, but tend to be extremely disappointing instead. Also I’ve now come to terms with the fact that I will never completely get rid of the questionable values I grew up with. Having one-night stands can trigger a very annoying guilt response that is hardly ever worth the little pleasure I may get. Alcohol is usually involved and everybody knows what that means. I’m not saying I won’t do it again, but it would have to be an exceptionally tempting situation.

Therefore, I have been sticking to my lover for the last couple of years or so, stopping only when I was briefly seeing someone else or if one of us was away on holidays. There are many things I like about him and I want to credit him for them here. Some of those are:

• First and foremost, his high sex-drive and healthy disposition towards sex

• His perfect and almost constant erection when we’re together. Not many men can have so much sex in one night and keep getting hard over and over again. I can’t always keep track, but I can safely say he normally comes at least 5 times per encounter

• The way he grabs my hair sometimes when he’s fucking me hard

• The way he likes cuddles, both giving and receiving them. We touch, grope, caress, massage, lick, hug and kiss before and after sex. As much as I enjoy using my vibrator, it just can’t compete with that human touch, and the reassurance and ego-boost it brings on.

• The way he enjoys kissing me when he’s inside me

• The stamina he has and how long he can hold his orgasm

• How much he enjoys it when I am the one fucking him

• The fact that he loves how my pussy feels like and that he keeps telling me so

• That he doesn’t shave his body hair

• That he values personal hygiene

To you, my dear horny friend and lover, a big, sincere thank you. KEEP IT UP!

But I digress.

I wanted to write about the latest of my erotic dreams. It was a couple of nights ago. It wasn’t very complicated, a one-on-one with someone I’ve known and liked for a long time. Someone who I believe also fancies me a bit, but who has a family he loves and wouldn’t risk losing. Someone with whom under different circumstances and with better timing I could have had sex and much more than that. This someone (let’s call him Plato as he’s totally out of my reach) and I shared in my dream one of those moments when feelings and sensations catch up with you and they cannot be hidden nor controlled. The tension we’ve always felt between us, like a third presence with its own will, becomes too big, too dense, too corporeal to ignore. It was something like this:

We had been diving with a group of people, but I felt unwell and decided to go back to the shore. He accompains me back to the car.

Swimming back we are looking at each-other briefly every now and then, as we usually do. This time he’s looking my way more often than he usually would, since he is checking on me in case I feel worse. I am feeling his gaze on my body, and the caress of the water surrounding me. The currents, the feeling of the sea moving around me, the fish shining in the filtering rays of sunshine, I am feeling aroused. Swimming in the sea is a very erotic experience, the water is alive and mysterious, a mix between a spoilt girl, a demanding man and a loving woman. And swimming by his side gives me peace, security and at the same time makes my heart jump in my chest. He holds my hand while we swim the last yards to the sea shore.

The car we have brought is some kind of SUV, a huge and powerful vehicle. I rest, sitting on the back of the car, the open back door isolating us from the world, almost creating a safe, temporary parallel universe of ours. I catch my breath and my blood pressure goes back to its normal levels. My cheeks recover the color. He’s standing by my side, staring at my face and into my eyes, looking for signs of recovery. When I feel better I look up into his eyes, and hold his gaze. I am thinking of him, of how I enjoy his company, his voice, just his being close to me. I look into his dark black eyes and just cherish the sight of them, the chance to be in front of them, so close. I think of his tanned skin, I think of his toned body, strong hands, his laid-back ways, his jokes, his talents. I take it all in, and forget I am there. I don’t realise he is looking back at me. I don’t notice we’ve been staring into each other’s eyes for a long time now -too long to pretend it never happened, that there is nothing special or improper between us. But I still don’t notice, lost as I am in his glorious eyes and the magic energy between his body and mine. It feels only natural when he leans closer, one hand carefully holding my head, and tenderly kisses me. Whatever little sense of reality I had left, it evaporates at the touch of his lips. I become nothing, nobody. There is no me anymore, only us, now. His arms are around me, his kiss is very intense, loving but also becoming more urgent as we fall further into the abyss of desire, consciousness left way behind. He’s pulled me towards him, we are standing by each other, pressing onto one another like we wanted to become one. His hands cup my breasts, squeezing a nipple while the kiss slows down a little bit. He stops for a moment to look at my face, I manage to open my eyes, we look at each-other while he is caressing my bum and tits, him fingers moving expertly and eagerly underneath my bikini. We smile briefly. He kisses me on the lips again, quickly moving on to my neck. He is very hard, I am desperately holding him, stroking his cock, grabbing his arse, kissing his nipples, I lose track of what I’m doing, who I am. I need to taste him, to have him inside me, the void inside me has become almost painful. He grabs me by the hips and makes me sit on the back of the car. He keeps looking into my eyes as he first puts his fingers inside me, and then his head between my legs, my tights on his shoulders while he slowly and carefully licks my clit and labia. I am very wet and close to coming, but I want to hold it, I don’t want to come until I feel him inside me, I just need to feel his cock in my pussy. I pull him up, and make him stand for a moment while I admire his well formed, manly body and his hard cock. I look up in his eyes as I put his dick in my mouth. Feeling him with my lips and tongue, tasting him for the first time, sends a shiver down my spine, and I feel a renewed urge, a wanting between my legs, the heat and throbbing becoming almost unbearable. But I want to have that cock in my mouth for a bit longer, I am feeling him getting closer, I feel the tip of his cock in my throat, I am tasting the precum, I want him to climax n my mouth, although I also want him to come inside me. I feel greedy and insatiable, I have become only wanting and desire, pure instinct, barely human. But he pulls away and makes me lay back in the car. I am incredibly excited, I can’t believe he is actually going to be inside me. He lies on top of me, my legs apart, his cock finding its way to my wet pussy, teasing it at first, but I can’t help it, can’t stand it anymore, and move my hips so that he has to enter me. And then he does, just like that, slowly at first, then thrusting harder and faster. It is so intense, having him kissing me, holding my face while he’s fucking me, at times looking in my eyes intensely, others kissing me furiously… I move under him, closer to him, try to pull him deeper into me, and when I feel him coming inside me, my own waves of pleasure wash over me, extreme, unreal, overwhelming.

Then I woke up. For a moment, I found it hard to convince myself it had been only a dream. My body felt like it had happened. So did my heart, and my conscience – i felt happy, excited, guilty, thrilled… It seemed so tangible it is difficult to believe he didn’t feel the same, that he didn’t dream the same at the same time. Too bad I cannot ask him.

I know I will never have him. But nothing can take this magic memory away from me.

Hope to feel you again soon, my dear Plato, with a little help from my friend Morpheus…

 And I have this unsettling feeling that everyone can tell. If not everyone, some guys do. And of course they are the ones I find harder to resist, the ones I feel very attracted too. Currently they happen to be my ex (whom for the sake of my sanity and wellbeing I can never ever let near me again) an ex-lover (whose girlfriend I now know and like), strangers (I just don’t like the idea), a married colleague (I mean, a married colleague!) and -thank God for this- my lover. Luckily he has lots of stamina and for the moment he’s coping very well.

 But I’m starting to feel soon it’s not gonna be enough. I need to convince him to explore more things, toys, games, whatever. I’m even toying with the idea of trying a threesome with another girl. I wanna try that at some point. So I figure if I don’t do it now that I’m single and with the highest sex drive ever, then when?

I just don’t know how to tell him, what if I scare him away and I am left to handle all this dangerous horniness on my own??

I can write dirty, in fact it is something I enjoy quite a lot. A bit of filth by email or text, or just discussing preferences, stories, fantasies, experiences over dinner is very exciting and works magic when it comes to heating things up. However during sex I become silent as a tomb (as in word-wise). I hardly ever say anything and reply with monosyllables when someone talks to me. For me sex is a very basic activity, it’s all down to instincts rather than thinking, speech ability is almost lost.

My current lover is not that much into dirty talk either. It’s a rarity between us, and I guess that’s what makes it more exciting when something is said. Last time we were together, he was on top fucking me real hard, my legs over his shoulders,  when suddenly he pulled out and put his dick in my mouth. I was happily sucking him, he was obviously enjoying it, started thrusting harder, fucking my mouth, and said “I want to come in your mouth”. That made us both so horny, he did come and I swallowed. Not something I do often by the way. But it was fantastic, we had an amazing night after that, until the alarm clock made us go reluctantly back to reality and to our respective jobs.

Maybe my lover and I should explore our kinky sides a bit more and unleash the tongue in more ways than one… Judging by that moment and most of my friends’ praises of dirty talk, we probably should.

I’m texting him right now!

It was only 6 months after I lost my virginity that I finally and fully climaxed. It was as if my body was waiting for the real thing, feeling empty, incomplete without a man filling it, aching for a cock to give the meaning and purpose and sense of fulfilment. Or maybe it was my mind and not my body that had been keeping me from enjoying masturbation.

Of course, the fact that I was fucking with my then boyfriend all the time didn’t stop me from masturbating. Quite the opposite. Actually the more I’m getting from the outside world, the more I masturbate (who doesn’t). But I still found it very difficult to have quality orgasms by just stimulating my clit. When everyone was praising the wonders of clit stimulation, I was wondering if my clit was defective or what, since I certainly prefer a good intercourse. Now I believe each woman is different and any attempt to lecture on what “all women like” is a complete nonsense to say the least. It’s probably the same with men, although as most of them haven’t had to deal with so much crap and had no problems to accept their sexuality they tend to be less complicated.

Back to the masturbation issue, to this day I haven’t mastered the art of coming by ONLY stimulating my clit. It certainly increases the pleasure and speeds up the arrival of the orgasm, and it is perfect for foreplay, but on its own it doesn’t quite do it for me. Whether that’s a residual bit of all the bad sexual education I had, or a physical peculiarity, or a bit of both, or a personal preference, I do not know and do not care that much either. Thanks to my dear vibrator it doesn’t matter anymore…

I have always been a very sensual and sexual person. Yet a traditional upbringing provided me with a hell of a Catholic block, which I’ve been fighting ever since I can remember.

Over the years I’ve overcome the guiltiness attached to my desires and needs -sort of. I can be fairly traditional or a real slapper depending on how you look at it.

I’ve never cheated on anyone, however I’ve been with married or attached men, enjoyed and suffered for it.

I’ve only had 11 sexual partners so far. But I cannot go without sex for more than a few weeks. When I’m not in a relationship, I call on the lover who I know for a fact won’t let me down.

 I intend to unwind in this blog, use it to explore my fantasies and fears and hopefully grow as a person.

 You are welcome to join in the challenge!